Bottled Sky

I feel like drawing something dark and strange. Dark like a woman with whisper-thin fingers that are long enough to go around someone’s throat thrice and strange like a sunlit sky swarming with little tin-can robots with fairy wings. But I can’t because my artistic skills are limited to the safe and adorable. It’s frustrating to have visions in my head and not being able to let them out.

Still connected with my un-boyfriend search, I got to thinking about the sentence “I love you.” I think it’s overrated. It’s so often misused and abused that it’s lost some of its meaning and impact, at least to me. And when it’s said by someone who thinks love is a feeling, it can be downright sickening. There are a lot of other things I’d rather hear, like what my mom told me last week during a casual chat over breakfast. We were talking about metaphysics (casual?! LOL) and she said that her greatest fear about dying is not dying itself but that she might forget my dad and me. “I don’t ever want to forget you” is much better than “I love you” if you ask me. And I guess what made it more touching was that it didn’t come out being sappy or sentimental - she just said it as a matter of fact. I had to try very hard not to cry when she said that, because tearing up over breakfast cereal is way too weird, even for me

I did cry while eating a piece of toast two years ago, though. I had burnt my tongue and had not been able to eat anything solid for a week when that happened. I was crying because, man, it hurt! But I was laughing at the same time, because I found it so absurd and hilarious to be crying over toast. I bet I’ll never cry, laugh and eat toast all at the same time ever again LOL.

Well, wasn’t this quite the eclectic post! From fairy-bots to I-love-you’s to toast. I should stop typing now. Who knows what I’ll end up writing next.

This is so me.

The commitment-phobe
She’s been dating you for six months. And yet she balks when you mention commitment. Yes to makeout sessions, no to pet names. Yes to sex, no to affection. You’re together, you’re not together, you’re not really sure. Your friends want to know what’s up and you do too. She doesn’t like labels. She doesn’t like commitment. Maybe she doesn’t like you.
- excerpt from “Dating in Vain” (PDI Super, 2/12/2005)

The writer might as well have used my name instead of the pronoun she. Ooh, let’s do that!

Nikki’s been dating you for six months. And yet Nikki balks when you mention commitment. Yes to makeout sessions, no to pet names. Yes to sex, no to affection. You’re together, you’re not together, you’re not really sure. Your friends want to know what’s up and you do too. Nikki doesn’t like labels. Nikki doesn’t like commitment. Maybe Nikki doesn’t like you.

LOL. Or maybe I just need to meet the right guy. Maybe then I’d say yes to both makeout sessions and pet names