Bottled Sky

I am in a bit of a bind at work. We’re developing a new matchmaking website for one of our clients, and I’m in charge of coming up with the domain name. According to my boss, the name has to convey the “magic of falling of love.”

I tell you, it is as if the universe is punishing me for all those times I ridiculed people who celebrate monthiversaries. May I remind you that my idea of a romantic Valentine illustration is a rusty robot who fashioned a heart out of an old refrigerator door? Somehow I feel that RefrigeratorHeart.com would be completely lost on my boss.

When I asked a friend for suggestions, the best thing she could come up with was ICanHasMatch.com (inspired, of course, by the ever entertaining ICanHasCheezburger.com) Thanks, FRIEND.

Aside from naming the website, I also have to suggest features and apps that would be appealing to our target audience. For someone who has never even had a Facebook or MySpace profile, that’s a bit of a challenge.

Cue my desperate call for help. I need you to indulge me by describing your ideal matchmaking or online dating website. It doesn’t matter whether you have ever used those kinds of sites before or not. All suggestions and opinions are welcome! You can use the questions below as a guide.

• What features would you like a matchmaking or online dating website to have?
• What would turn you off from joining or continuing to use a particular matchmaking or online dating website?
• What features of your preferred social networking site do you like best or use most often?
• What type of look and feel would you prefer?

Please do share your thoughts. You can’t see the expression on my face right now, but it looks a lot like this:

Thanks so much in advance!

This is a conversation I had with my friend Chrissa last night.

Me: Hey, let’s vacation in Greece!

Chrissa: I’m game! When?

Me: Well, we’ll have to save up first, so… three years from now?

Chrissa: Sounds great. (Thinks for a moment.) Will we be bringing boyfriends on this trip?

Me: Oh, definitely not! In fact, if I happen to be seeing anyone at that time, I might have to break up with him temporarily. I mean, what good is a European vacation if I can’t hook up with at least one hot local?

Chrissa: Exactly! Glad we’re on the same page.

So, men of Greece, it’s a date! Chrissa and I are coming for you in 2010

I’m not what anyone would call a romantic, what with my commitment issues and aversion to all things mushy. I’ve also never done a grungy illustration before. Therefore I thought it would be a good exercise to try to create a cute and goofy Valentine using a slightly grungy style that hopefully a non-romantic wouldn’t find too repulsive. Here’s what I came up with:

His name is Rob, and he’s in love with a fellow robot named Brenda. He fashioned that Valentine himself out of an old refrigerator door. He’s hopeful that Brenda will like it and that they will have many little robot children and live happily ever after. The end.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

I feel like drawing something dark and strange. Dark like a woman with whisper-thin fingers that are long enough to go around someone’s throat thrice and strange like a sunlit sky swarming with little tin-can robots with fairy wings. But I can’t because my artistic skills are limited to the safe and adorable. It’s frustrating to have visions in my head and not being able to let them out.

Still connected with my un-boyfriend search, I got to thinking about the sentence “I love you.” I think it’s overrated. It’s so often misused and abused that it’s lost some of its meaning and impact, at least to me. And when it’s said by someone who thinks love is a feeling, it can be downright sickening. There are a lot of other things I’d rather hear, like what my mom told me last week during a casual chat over breakfast. We were talking about metaphysics (casual?! LOL) and she said that her greatest fear about dying is not dying itself but that she might forget my dad and me. “I don’t ever want to forget you” is much better than “I love you” if you ask me. And I guess what made it more touching was that it didn’t come out being sappy or sentimental – she just said it as a matter of fact. I had to try very hard not to cry when she said that, because tearing up over breakfast cereal is way too weird, even for me

I did cry while eating a piece of toast two years ago, though. I had burnt my tongue and had not been able to eat anything solid for a week when that happened. I was crying because, man, it hurt! But I was laughing at the same time, because I found it so absurd and hilarious to be crying over toast. I bet I’ll never cry, laugh and eat toast all at the same time ever again LOL.

Well, wasn’t this quite the eclectic post! From fairy-bots to I-love-you’s to toast. I should stop typing now. Who knows what I’ll end up writing next.

This is so me.

The commitment-phobe
She’s been dating you for six months. And yet she balks when you mention commitment. Yes to makeout sessions, no to pet names. Yes to sex, no to affection. You’re together, you’re not together, you’re not really sure. Your friends want to know what’s up and you do too. She doesn’t like labels. She doesn’t like commitment. Maybe she doesn’t like you.
- excerpt from “Dating in Vain” (PDI Super, 2/12/2005)

The writer might as well have used my name instead of the pronoun she. Ooh, let’s do that!

Nikki’s been dating you for six months. And yet Nikki balks when you mention commitment. Yes to makeout sessions, no to pet names. Yes to sex, no to affection. You’re together, you’re not together, you’re not really sure. Your friends want to know what’s up and you do too. Nikki doesn’t like labels. Nikki doesn’t like commitment. Maybe Nikki doesn’t like you.

LOL. Or maybe I just need to meet the right guy. Maybe then I’d say yes to both makeout sessions and pet names