Bottled Sky

I was at the supermarket with some friends the other week, when we came across these handy reusable shopping bags shaped like various produce. We oohed at the chubby little carrots and aahed at the squish-worthy watermelons. Then we saw the cherries.

That, my friends, is what happens when designers get lazy. I can almost picture it:

Hey, how do you feel about using PANTONE 12-0643 for the color of the lemon? Or should we just stick with 13-0752? — Monday

I checked with the bag supplier, and we’re good to go on the irregular shape for the carrot. — Tuesday

I just e-mailed you the revisions for the dragonfruit design. The seed spacing wasn’t quite right on the first version. — Wednesday

Make sure that the seeds are not too evenly sized. We want the watermelon to look somewhat realistic. — Thursday

Ah, fuck it. Just slap some damn cherries on it and call it a day. Anyone up for a drink later? — Friday

When I was seven, my homeroom teacher called my parents for a meeting to discuss my apparent lack of sociability. Here’s a random scan from my doodle journal that shows exactly what I think about that:

Despite not being a Formula 1 fan, I will be watching the F1 Singapore Grand Prix in September. One of my friends, who is a fan, convinced me to go with her, the bulk of her argument being “It’s the first-ever F1 night race! Pretty please with sugar on top? I will pay for half your ticket!”

This friend is also an avid fan of slash. See below an excerpt from the IM conversation I had with her about our plans for the GP.

Me: Are we going to wear special fangirl outfits?

F1 slasher friend: I wanted to wear a Ralf/JPM OTP shirt. Too bad JPM isn’t in F1 anymore.

Me: Can we still wear those? It can say “I’m old-school.” in smaller letters at the bottom.

FSF: I’m gonna have one made right now. O_O

Me: Yay!

FSF: Maybe people would stay away from us then.

Me: My coworker and her boyfriend will be there, too. We can meet up with them… Unless they’re too embarrassed to be seen with us.

FSF: Ask them if they’d like t-shirts!

Me: Ooh, YES.

FSF: Her boyfriend can wear “I watch F1 for the buttsecks.”

Me: I’m sooo posting this conversation on my blog.

Who knew that weird underwear can be so useful? Not only can they ward off job-interview jitters, they can also serve as a fairly accurate gauge of how long a girl has put off doing her laundry. The stranger the undies, the longer the wait.

It’s inevitable, really. Once in a while, when a girl’s hectic schedule has run her ragged and all she can do as soon as she reaches home is zonk out, she must brave the depths of her dresser drawer known as The Underweird, the domain of mismatched, eccentric underwear that wouldn’t normally see the light of day.

Take me for example. Today I wore a graffiti-patterned demi-bra with silver clips in lieu of the usual strap adjusters and a purple-striped drawstring thong.

Care to venture a guess as to how long I haven’t been able to do my laundry?

This is an excerpt from an online chat I had with my friend Chrissa recently. It should give you an idea of the depth and quality of our friendship

Me: I had the weirdest dream last night.
Chrissa: Oooh! Was it naughty?
Me: Unfortunately not.
Me: I dreamt there was a competition, kind of like the Amazing Race, except the end goal was to reach an old, abandoned mansion and capture a mouse living in one of the rooms.
Me: I joined, but instead of teaming up with other people, I decided to team up with — get this — a chihuahua and a rat!
Chrissa: Uh huh… a chihuahua, a rat and a human looking for a mouse?
Me: We were running all over the place. We got a bit lost and got separated from the other teams, but we ended up finding a shortcut and made it to the house first.
Me: The rat was the one who captured the mouse, because of course he knew where to find it. We won!
Me: So… what exactly is my subconscious trying to tell me? I am at a loss.
Chrissa: Well, a chihuahua is sort of a rodent but only it’s canine…
Me: I know!
Chrissa: So you’re with a rat, a canine-rodent hybrid, and you’re looking for a mouse…
Me: I’m thinking Ratatouille had something to do with it.
Chrissa: Ah, I dreamt of mice, too, after watching Ratatouille!
Me: OMG, Pixar is going to take over the world, and they’re starting with people’s dreams! CONSPIRACY!
Chrissa: Ratatouille must have had some subliminal messages embedded in the film.
Me: Ooh, that would explain everything!
Me: I’m also suddenly hungry…
Me: The film was more powerful than we ever expected.
Chrissa: I am now scared of Pixar.
Me: Pixar is evil.
Chrissa: Next you’ll think that your toys are really alive.
Chrissa: And that bugs are intelligent beings!
Chrissa: And that there are monsters inside your closet!
Me: And that cars have sex lives!
Chrissa: And that super-heroes everywhere are getting busy and making little baby super-heroes!
Me: Condoms are no match for super-sperm!
Chrissa: Eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Me: Hehehe.