Bottled Sky

Nikki’s Failure Tip #347: Waste time by writing pointless haikus.

An excellent example of a pointless haiku appears below. It was written by Nikki herself while failing to finish a 10-page dialectic discussion on art theory.

caffeine and no sleep
deadlines loom ominously
procrastination

For a complete list of Nikki’s Failure Tips, watch out for her new book entitled “I’ll Think of a Title Later: The Procrastinator’s Guide to Never Getting Anything Done.” It will be released worldwide as soon as Nikki finishes writing it (i.e. never).

You can also check out Nikki’s writing portfolio (which is really less “writing portfolio” than “two poems and one children’s story written for class then recycled into website content” — but we’ll just call it a writing portfolio for brevity’s sake).

You know how in movies kidnappers usually videotape their victims holding the day’s newspaper as proof that they’re still alive? Considering how long I’ve left this blog to grow mold and other multi-celled organisms (Can you tell I have biology this semester and that I haven’t been paying much attention in class?), I feel like I should post a picture of me with today’s paper. But in the same way that I’ve been too lazy to update this thing, I simply couldn’t seem to get off my ass to snap a simple photo. In other words, you’re just going to have to take my word for it: I’m Nikki and I haven’t fallen off the face of the planet.

A couple of things have happened since I last posted that might actually be proof that hell has frozen over.

Proof # 1: I wrote poetry

I think I’ve mentioned before that I find it quite difficult to write most of the time, so I had avoided writing classes like the plague. This semester, however, I was forced to take a creative writing elective, because there was nothing else that fit into my schedule. Hence the poetry. Before this class my experience with poetry was limited to my third-grade masterpiece about the “little seed in need of the sun and the rain and the soil indeed.” When my friend Aggie heard about my poetry-writing predicament, she said and I quote, “What?! How can you write poetry? You don’t have angst!” I may not have angst, but I tried my best to fake it. And apparently, I do have a bit of cheese somewhere in the recesses of my sap-retardant brain. I am now the not-so-proud author of four poems (one bad, two semi-bad, and one almost-okay). The class has since moved on to prose, so I have progressed/regressed to penning terrible short stories. It appears that I have even less sense of plot than I have angst.

Proof # 2: I gave up meat

I, carnivore extraordinaire, have become a vegetarian. I had to prepare a report about animal rights and welfare for my Environmental Journalism class; I haven’t been able to eat anything that walks or flies since I first researched about the topic over a month ago. (We humans are a cruel, cruel species.) I have never been a fan of tofu or vegetables, yet strangely enough, I don’t really miss meat. At first I thought it would be a passing thing, but now I’ve decided to give up beef, pork and chicken for good.

So there. If you–unlike me–believe in hell and that you are naughty enough to land prime real estate in Satanville after this life, you just might want to invest in a good pair of ice skates. Skis, sleds, and snowboards might be fun, too

That’s it for now, folks! I’ll post again the next time there is a big-ass deadline looming over my head and I feel the need to procrastinate. Until then, let’s all try not to take ourselves too seriously. (Yes, you! I’m talking to you! Lighten up!)

Write legibly. This is your last-ditch effort to save your own neck. Good luck. (You will need it *evil laughter*)

True or False:
1. Stress builds character.
2. Sometimes you just have to hit something (or someone).
3. The compulsion to procrastinate is a psychological disorder.
4. If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
5. Caffeine is a UP student’s best friend.

Multiple Choice:
1. This semester has been…
a) …completely unmotivating.
b) …the source of all stressful things.
c) …a blight in Nikki’s academic record.
d) …simply a pain in the ass.

2. The best thing about this semester…
a) …is that it’s over.
b) …only exists in the minds of overly optimistic freaks.
c) …is the character-building stress. (Isn’t sarcasm fun?)
d) …is that it’s OVER. (Did you not see this choice the first time?!)

3. The best way to relieve stress is to…
a) …fall into a Tequila-induced stupor.
b) …inflict pain, preferably on someone connected with your stress.
c) …engage in smutty activity.
d) …shop up a storm.

Prove through Computation:
The speed at which time flies is directly proportional to the amount of trouble one will be in if he/she fails to complete the task he/she is currently rushing to finish.

Essay Question:
You lost your momentum and what little motivation you had for school, thanks to a three-week flu that wreaked havoc on your immune system and caused you to miss a ridiculous number of classes at the start of the semester. You have been VERY distracted with non-school-related things and have developed many unhealthy habits in the past several months. To make matters worse, you no longer have an inhumanly tough professor (*cough* Chua *cough*) to whip your procrastinating ass into shape. As the dust settles on the disaster that is academic career, how exactly do you plan to make it out alive?

End of exam (and your suffering). Happy sembreak!

This week has been quite interesting so far, at least for me. I got to try a lot of new things, including riding a bike (I never learned as a kid) and getting a big ol’ shot in my thigh. Here’s a rundown of my week:

Continue reading Of Bikes and Bites »

It’s been a pretty good and decidedly lazy semestral break. Most days I just loaf around the house watching TV, reading books, and surfing the net. Others I spend hanging out with friends and making headway with my Christmas shopping. I’ve pretty much been having the same amount of physical activity as a pampered house cat.

However, I did get a bit of exercise this week when I went wall-climbing with my college barkada all Thursday afternoon. It was so much fun! We climbed until it got dark, and we wanted to keep on climbing but most of us could barely move our arms by then. While it certainly was fulfilling to reach the top of a wall, my favorite part was hanging high up in the air and getting belayed down. When I kept failing at my attempts to finish one of the more challenging walls, my friends accused me of falling on purpose just so I could swing around in my harness. I suppose they were partly right. While I’m still waiting for my chance to bungee jump, to learn trapeze, and to float around in a free fall tube, I have to get my thrills wherever I can!

Afterwards we headed to Chrissa‘s condo to waste all of the exercise we had just gotten by eating like construction workers. We had been in the middle of our movie marathon at 2 a.m. when we suddenly had a hankering for some ice cream. God bless the genius who invented the 24-hour convenience store. Because of him we were able to enjoy a half-gallon can of Selecta ice cream even on that ungodly hour.

The rest of Friday went pretty much the same way: movies, kulitan, food, more kulitan, more food, and endless picture-taking. When you’re friends with someone like Kathy there will always be a camera documenting your every move. We don’t mind most of the time

I uploaded a bunch of the snapshots we took. We got very creative with some of the shots, but we’ve decided to keep those pictures to ourselves so they won’t later be used for blackmail.