Weird E-mails from Male Visitors
I have a folder entitled “Weird” in my e-mail account specifically for strange or silly e-mails sent via this website. For some reason almost all of the messages that end up there are from male visitors. Here’s a rundown of the more interesting ones:
- One guy described my site as “babaeng-babae” (very womanly). That in itself isn’t weird at all, but then he added, “I can smell you from here.” Yikes.
- Another guy decided to regale me with HIS ENTIRE LIFE STORY IN CAPS LOCK. It was one long paragraph of caps-locked goodness detailing his life from birth to his current efforts to become a licensed chemical engineer. You’d think that a Chemical Engineering graduate would be smart enough to find the Caps Lock key and turn if off, but you’d be wrong.
- After blogging about my decision to become a vegetarian, a concerned visitor sent me this wise warning: “Scientists claim that humans’ brains didn’t begin to grow until we started eating meat. You don’t want to go retro!” Did you get that, people? Giving up meat will cause you to regress into an ape. Be warned!
- I honestly do not know what to make of this next one, so I’ll do away with the commentary and just post the e-mail in its full, unedited glory:
I just want to tell you that you are very very beautiful girl because I saw the first your photos, but when I read about you I was disappointed because your beauty is much more unique than your personality. I hope that you will change one day and that you will be able to love somebody who will wish you so much as I could if you would not be so selfish and conceited as you are now. If you ever wish to be courage and love a clever man who would make love with you 3 times per day and smile at least 3 hours, send me e-mail. By the way, there are so many beautiful girls who would like to be special and unique, but if they do not have nice personality and good peaceful heart, they are simply not attractive to clever and goodlooking man, just to under-average stupid and reach men who will be never able to give you what you really need and to make you happy, just to give you money to go to shopping. Do not be angry on this e-mail, I just wish you all the best!!
- A foot fetishist offered to buy me gifts in exchange for pictures of my feet. The request was a little creepy, but the e-mail itself was very politely and apologetically phrased. I almost wanted to reply, “You don’t need to buy me gifts! My feet are sluts — they’ll do it for free!” Almost
- “I…I think I Love you!” Awwww.